


Sensation

by yuffiehighwind



Series: An Eternity in Cheese Country [8]
Category: Hercules: The Legendary Journeys, Xena: Warrior Princess
Genre: F/M
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2005-06-01
Updated: 2005-06-01
Packaged: 2018-11-23 14:20:12
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 763
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/11404209
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/yuffiehighwind/pseuds/yuffiehighwind
Summary: I was a feeling until you humans gave me a face. Before you gave me a body, a personality, desires, emotions. I was a sensation and you gave me sensations. I can't remember being any different anymore.





	Sensation

I'm far too alien for you to get in my head. You tiny mortals with your values and ethics and guilt. All any of you do is project all that human emotion onto us where it doesn't belong. I was a _feeling_  until you gave me a face. Before you gave me a body, a personality, desires, _emotions_. I was a sensation and you gave me sensations. I can't remember being any different anymore.

I spit on you.

I need you.

I crush you.

I feed you.

I am...

"Way too fuckin' angsty."

"You ruined my monologue."

"It was ruined enough already. What the fuck are you talkin' about? Emotions? 'Oh woe is me!' Hahahahaha!"

See? It all could have been so much more dignified before you projected these identities onto us.

We smoke in a marble toilet and get to laughing far too much about the avoidance of business at hand. War. Pain. Keeping the world running. Keeping it balanced. He fingers me behind one of the pillars. A nymph almost catches us when I cry out. He puts one hand over my mouth and I bite it. We grin like teenagers. Useless, useless shades.

"You didn't think so much before," he says later. We walk across a battlefield, keeping distant when our boss is watching. We laugh at the dying. They're convinced their deaths are meaningful. It's all so routine. I bite my lip and make a bored face in his direction.

Oh wait, you're wondering of whom I speak, aren't you? It's just my cousin.

Oh come off it with that face! You don't fuck your cousins? He wasn't my cousin, he was just a sensation, a pain, a fear until you gave him bleached blond hair and a bad sense of humor. It's all your own fault.

I'm getting deja vu again, as they say in Gaul. Oh wait, you don't have that word in Gaul? France, then. Time is an illusion, lunchtime...

Is it lunch? Am I eating? Is it another day and another war? They all seem to meld into each other, and I start every single one up with an ear-piercing cry that nobody hears. They only just feel it. It's that sort of gut feeling that rises up when you're about to charge. They charge. I charge. We all charge into some kind of confusing carnage. What are they even fighting about? I can't get myself to care.

It's some hallway, some taboo holy shrine, and I have him in my mouth this time, which is even riskier, and I can't see his eyes, which bothers me. He tugs at my hair, his thighs tense, and it's...

Another day, and our boss looks more annoyed than usual. We're sent to separate posts. Neither of us make a fuss, because that just draws attention. I have no attachments, anyway. It's all the routine.

_You fucking humans..._

I tap at my teeth with a fingernail, look in the mirror and there's red on them. Ah, now that's a sight for sore eyes. But it's not blood, it's just lipstick. Red lipstick that bores into the corneas and...since when did I have corneas?

_Fuck you all._

How long has it been? I wonder where he's gone, and now I'm assigned to take over for my mother's old assassin, Retribution. It's fun, because I get to interact with the humans this time. I missed meddling. My boss hasn't let me meddle for a long while. Or did I not let myself? Did I want to avoid being a person? Just float over the battlefields, invisible, like before my first breath?

These people are funny, but also painfully sad. Pathetic human dramas are also happening on Olympus. You fucking humans and your fucking stories. We become more like you every day. I wonder if it was always that way. Am I just a character in a story?

My cousin and I are brought together for a new assignment and this time I can manage to hate him because of our unequal treatment. Our boss...It's his son, dontcha know, and I can only assume the boy wants to be treated more like such. Why steal my ideas, though? Little prick.

Requiring help from the 'rents to reverse an ancient curse - (and it was all Hercules' fault) - is just plain humiliating. I am full of these human feelings of shame and embarrassment and I need to forget for a while. But the way I choose to forget these days...

I'm used to fucking _subordinates_ , not the _enemy!_

I hate him.

**Author's Note:**

> There's an inconsistency in the timeline, because I allude to the events of S5E20 "Fade Out" at the end here, but that episode takes place _way_ before my fanfic "Better Find Someone to Blame," in which Discord first considers hooking up with Deimos. That fic takes place after the final season of HTLJ. So this probably shouldn't even be part of EiCC, but whatever. 
> 
> "Time is an illusion, lunchtime doubly so," is a quote from the book "The Hitchiker's Guide to the Galaxy," by Douglas Adams.
> 
> Originally composed June 2005.


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